Wednesday, November 20, 2013

Spiderwebs in my blog?

Blogging hasn't been a high priority for me of late. It lost its luster for a time and I just haven't found it again. Sooooo my poor baby sits unattended and lonely. It isn't as if I don't want to or that there aren't things to talk about. I do and there are. I just cannot seem to connect the 2 anymore.

Life has a funny habit of getting in its own way and sometimes when that happens things take on a new hue. I have spent some time recently examining a few things from a new vantage point. Relationships being one of those things. Assigning priority to them in my life and how they have been over the past few years.

There are so many people that I love and care for, yet I am finding I have less and less of those feelings for a number of them and they don't seem to have those feelings for me anymore. I used to think life was just getting in the way. Now, I very much doubt that at all. The old saying "Absence Makes the Heart Grow Fonder" is a quandary to me -- as it has not seemed to apply since we moved to bible belt hell. If it were true, people who used care would remember me at important times throughout the year, instead I remember them and that goes unacknowledged. I can honestly say quite a few of these people haven't managed anything in several years now. If someone matters to you, you make at least the smallest of efforts... regardless of life's obstacles, or maybe I am just an anomaly...

During my retrospection, I decided I have enough on my plate. Wondering why I have become non-existent to people in the age of digital connection is not a priority. However, continuing to keep them in the circle of my life is also no longer a priority. It is a heavy option to choose for someone who loves pretty deeply, but with all the other dramatics in my life and in the lives of my immediate family, these people just cannot hold such a large chunk of my heart anymore.

Am I like those who have forgotten or just let go without any reason? Possibly. Does it make me a bad person? No -- because I can honestly say that at least I tried to keep those important people connected and that is more than they can say.

Maybe in time I will find a way to merge the blog back into my routine. I know I miss it!

4 comments:

  1. I have a good friend. We connect every once in a while but not often because we both are running around like chickens with our heads cut off. She told me a long time ago, when I was apologizing for missing something, that she believed in friendship without guilt. We just do our best and don't attach any meaning to the spaces between. We know we're still "there." I guess I'm telling you this because it could just be that the people you're missing are still missing you. They're just running around like chickens. And they don't mean to hurt you with their absence.

    Hope you're surviving "The Belt." xo

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    1. I have friendships without guilt too. I thought most of my friendships were that way until recently. Most of them go back almost 30 years (one almost 40!!) and are still going strong. The ones I describe here are those I thought were as strong, especially with a good 15-20 year history, who have completely dropped from the scene. It is pretty simple to acknowledge an e-mail, text or FB message even when you are busy. These people no doubt have plenty going on in their lives, as so I. It is hard not to notice they seem to have time to acknowledge others publicly. No response to any contact by me in any form for several years is pretty much a signal that I am not valuable to them anymore. That is OK, but I take it personally when I believe that friendships have meaning -- especially when there are life changing experiences shared in that past to connect you.
      I will survive "The Belt" LOL! and I will survive these losses. I guess talking about them makes them more real and then you cannot pretend anymore that it hasn't happened...

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  2. Welcome back T, it's been a long time!

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    1. HI JOE!! I knew I could count on you showing up here! :) XX

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