Saturday, October 13, 2012

I think Hubster has suffered enough!

Back in June Hubster was told-- yet again -- that his Father was to die any day and he needed to come home right away. His Mother nagged, used guilt and finally, to guarantee she would get her way, decided to pay for his ticket home. So Hubster, who had already made his peace with what was to come was bullied into going home to see his Father. Upon his arrival, there was a sudden miraculous recovery that took his Father from the hospice death bed to large family gatherings at the VA and essentially no sign the man was knocking on death's door just days before.

For his trouble, Hubster got to see his Father, which was good. He got to see family that he hadn't seen in a while which was also good. However, he also got the privilege of being there for his Father's Birthday/Father's Day combo celebration, as this year they were, as happens every so often, the same day. Ultimately this was his Mother's goal in getting him there. Not to actually see his Father, but that he be there when SHE wanted him there. She cared not about the shameful behavior she had to employ to get her way and was more than happy to lie, manipulate and guilt trip to get it

Hubster is a wonderful, loving, caring man who misses his family greatly -- but his family keeps him out of the loop -- so much so that he has NO IDEA where things stand. Whenever he asks to be informed, he  occasionally gets a vague report and then a lecture to be more involved in the family. So, he cannot win no matter what he does. Eventually he decided that he had parted with his Father on very good terms when last they were together, in spite of his Mother's best efforts to hold us hostage with her desire to control how that went. Knowing he was OK with that, he decided that he was resigned to being left out and went on with life. He knows he and his Father were in the right place with each other and felt that was enough for him.

Last night, instead of a phone call, he received a FACEBOOK message from his sister that his Father is in hospice and is not expected to live. Guess what? Today is Hubster's birthday! SO, yet again an important date in the life of my Man has been hijacked to be a weapon in the precarious balance of his Father's imminent death. Apparently, Hubster is no longer allowed to have Father's Day or his own birthday, instead they must be used by his family as weaponry to make his Mother feel better. This is SO FUCKED UP! I cannot even begin to describe how pissed off I am at the ugly insensitive and disrespectful manner in which Hubster is treated.

If his Father dies, he will be sad, as will we all. Of his entire family, that man was my absolute favorite. He was goofy, told wonderful stories and NEVER made me feel like I was a bad person for marrying his son. I hope, when he does go, that he gets peace and I hope then that Hubster get's relief from being treated like a pawn and a puppet by that manipulative bitch who calls herself his mother. She has no idea what she has done. Rather than achieve what she wanted, which was to get him under her thumb, she has pushed him away. I hope she can live and eventually die being OK with that...

2 comments:

  1. Family dynamics are often not much fun---wishing your man a moment to experience just how much you love him....and bit of joy in the midst of craziness..........blessings...

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  2. Thank you! I totally agree.

    We seem to have more than our fair share of family dynamics lately. Hopefully they will settle down one day -- I just hope it happens before it is too late to fix some of these things...

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