Friday, March 30, 2012

The Engagements

An engagement should be a wonderful thing, but when it is tossed at you in a way that feels hurtful by your own flesh and blood it really makes it difficult to feel good about it.

Since February, my 2 eldest daughters have both become engaged. Granted the first, was not raised by me and my feelings are not the primary ones of importance, but it still matters to me. Most certainly it matters that I was never told by her. Rather on her birthday a photo of a ring that looked nothing like an engagement ring was posted on the FB. What I naturally thought was a birthday gift from her boyfriend turned out to be much more. The worst part is that her biological grandmother, who is my very dear friend, called me and told me it was an engagement ring. Better yet, she told me that not only did the boyfriend ask her father's permission he also made a similar gesture  to her biological father. While I was left to hear about it through the grapevine.

Well, if that is how it is to be then so be it. I, the one who has carried the hurt the most for having lost that child to the selfishness of her biological father, have been shown my place. My place being nowhere and of no value or importance. To them all there is left to say is have a nice life, and in that life it is apparent I do not fit.

On Monday KC sent me a text asking me if Hubster asked my father for his "blessing" to marry me. I said no, because he didn't, (if he was going to ask anyone it would have been my mom in that time period of my life) and I said she better not be getting engaged. To which she only asked Why not? At this point I now know that my daughter has made an announcement to me in her usual ass-backward and most harmful way possible that she is indeed engaged, without ever having said so. I replied that we had already talked about it and I was not going to have the conversation via text. Still I held out the vaguest of hopes that I was wrong, but alas I have not been her mother for nearly 20 years for nothing and I read her like a book as usual.

I heard nothing more from her until today. She added the announcement of her engagement to the end of another unrelated conversation so that it seemed more like an after thought than telling me something she is supposedly excited and happy about. Well guess what, I am not happy and why the hell should I be? She KNEW already that I was hurt by what happened with her sister and even said she thought that it was shitty what was done to me. Now she is doing the same shitty thing to me and I am supposed to act like I am running in a field of roses in a love story movie. Screw that!

First of all, we talked about the boyfriend's impending deployment over Winter break. We discussed  engagement and she flat out told me she was not anywhere close to ready for that kind of commitment and that she didn't think that it was the right thing to do just because he was being deployed. She still has 2 years left of school plus she had also told us she possibly wants to go to grad school. Given the maturity of the conversations and how smart she sounded in them, I actually believed that she was finally getting some real adult common sense. Even her various posts seemed more rational, more honest, more true and more adult.

Shortly after she returned to school I began to think I had been played by her, when on Pinterest she began posting wedding and engagement crap like it was going out of style! Over spring break I asked about it and she said that yes, they had talked about it but she also implied they weren't planning anything any time soon. I even commented that I was glad to hear it for all the same reasons that we had discussed over Winter.

Well since there is no respect or consideration for me, my husband or the rest of the family, all I can say is she better remember that when next she wants me to pick up the pieces of one of her mistakes or screw-ups for her, because I don't think I will be so inclined to do so anymore. Maybe she can try relying on her bio-dad for a change -- HAH! We have reached an all new level and I personally do not feel very good about any of it at all.

From the moment of my very first pregnancy I have put the best interest of all of my children first, which is not necessarily something that is always easy to do. For my trouble I have been given the shaft on a very regular basis by my children. Hubster and I have taught respect, how to treat others and right from wrong. Obviously there is something severely wrong with me that I cannot manage to raise children who give one flying fuckola about me, and as to the first born I can only say that this must be genetic since the treatment is the same.

My parents will say I was the same way, but that only goes to provide further proof that it is genetic -- which leads to an entirely new set of questions and lends a completely different light to much of my relationship with them. (NO this is not an invitation for my parents to begin an all new round of the oh-so-worn-out point the blame to the other parent game) The difference is when I was about 19 or so I became an entirely different, more mature and more considerate person than I ever was as a kid. Adulthood and shortly after wards, single-parenthood brought a near immediate change in my personality and viewpoint of things.

Tuesday, March 27, 2012

water water everywhere...

Well, when it rains it pours! What a week...the one directly from hell!

Friday the Hubster came home from work. I looked at him and asked who hit him. He had a very red splotch on his face. He said it started at work. Well, by Friday night it had spread over the rest of that half of his face and he had a fever. By Saturday morning it had spread to the other side of his face and the fever was creeping ever higher and off he went to the urgent care center. Diagnosis? Cellulitis -- I had never heard of it before. Basically it is an infection under the skin. Antibiotics were prescribed and home he came.

Needless to say all the stuff we had planned on doing over the fine spring weekend wasn't done... and I was running like a mad chicken to do get other things accomplished. Hubster began to feel better on Sunday night. Monday he stayed home and in the afternoon was mobile enough to keep his appointment with the DR to get his pre-colonoscopy interview out of the way. Ahhh the joys of being over 50! Poor guy! Today he stayed home, since he was still feeling a bit run down and his face, while very much improved is still somewhat swollen.

This afternoon, I mowed the lawn and was doing some clean up. The recycle tub needed a good hosing out from the winter, so Hubster hooked up the hose and commenced to giving it a rinse. A couple minutes later, EC came running out of the house and was so freaked out she could barely get out the words to tell us that there was water POURING out of the ceiling in the Family room downstairs. Bet you were starting to wonder what this post had to do with water, huh?

Inside, I kid you not, behind where the front yard hose faucet is in the wall outside is the top of the ceiling of the basement wall and water was spewing - much like a small geyser! If it wasn't so awful it would have been awesome. The water was spreading fast and we literally grabbed all the beach towels in the house and started tossing them on the pool. Hubster went in the back room to get the steam cleaner to suck the water up with and found that it had also gotten in there and was spreading fast under the stairs and across the concrete floor.

We started to feel like we had gotten through the worst of it when I felt a little splash of water on my cheek. I wasn't even near where the water had been spewing forth into the house, but when I looked up, the hideous boob* light the previous owners had installed was fast filling with water and it was dripping from the nipple.

*I found a photo online of one that is very similar to the light we have -- and now you know why I call it the boob light:

Hubster removed the light, put a bucket under it and we proceeded to continue with the clean up. We stopped to eat since it appeared the worst had past. After dinner we started collecting wet towels and checking the state of things only to discover that several seams in the ceiling were oozing water and a wall on the other side of the room now had pouring water down its face AND into one of our picture frames! Couldn't be a crappy one, oh no... instead it had to be a limited edition pen and ink given to Hubster by someone back home. It is possible I rescued it in time, but water dripped out from the corner of the frame when I tilted it, so I am worried that the mat will have wicked up some and become an ugly stain on a professionally framed picture. GRRRRRRRRRRR!

We then had to move more furniture, because the ceiling was obviously very wet and I was concerned  that it could fall onto the computer and book cases. Hubster stared poking holes in the ceiling to help the water get out, so we have a series of buckets catching drips now. The plumber is set to come in the morning at 10 am.

Hubster was already scheduled to be off tomorrow, because he has to go have a cancerous spot in his back removed -- they didn't want to reschedule that when I told them about the cellulitis, because they have no place in  the schedule until late May. UGH! I feel bad for poor Hubster. He needs a break! Hopefully there will be no more major upsets between now and April 10th when he gets his colonoscopy... Let's just hope everything comes out ok that day!

They are calling for a chance of severe storms tonight and possibly off and on the next few days.OH GOODIE, cuz oh yeah 2 weeks ago on the other side of the basement, the bedroom down there flooded. We have been trying for years to get that to stop. Every time we think we beat it, mother nature throws us a curve ball. That bitch needs to pick on someone else -- SERIOUSLY!

Sunday, March 18, 2012


S.c.e.n.t.s.y is all the NEW rage. Have you heard of it? I did a few years back at the chiropractor's office. She had catalogs and a warmer going. Shortly after that, a friend from HS had an online party. Looking was it for me, as I deemed it too rich for my frugal blood. I will admit that I really did think they had some nice looking items.

Before Christmas, I was at the local winery for ladies night where I met a fantastic and funny woman -- JS. Today I am happy to call her friend. ANYWAY, JS sells S.c.e.n.t.s.y. Still, I felt it too much for my pocketbook. At the beginning of the month, she asked me to host a party -- I agreed. I like having people over and maybe with the rewards I could afford to buy some of their goodies.

In chatting about the party and such, I had -- quite off-handed -- asked her whether this was something a college kid could do. My girl JS went straight into sales mode and pitched to me all the reason why the answer was yes. After discussing it briefly with the Hubster, I approached KC about it and surprisingly, she was interested.

You already know that Hubster and I are desperate for her to get a job, right? Well, she STILL has not gotten one and swears she has applied EVERYWHERE... We can only take her word for it. Now it is even more important that she earn some money. She has been accepted to do a semester in Spain next year -- so she was told yet again that if she wants to continue at her school and also participate in this exciting opportunity, she has to have money coming in.

JS and KC talked, FB'd, e-mailed etc and the decision was made for KC to become a S.c.e.n.t.s.y consultant. We were able to turn the party at my house into her launch and she did pretty well considering how quickly we got it together. She has taken off running and JS is really determined to help her succeed. So... lets hope this works out! We could really use a POSITIVE spin on things around here!!