Friday, January 27, 2012

car commercials

HOLY SHIT! Do I EVER HATE the local KIA dealer with a passion!

I kid you not, I turned on the radio 35 minutes ago. The first commercial was the hated screaming car dealer Kia ad. I jumped up an switched the station. Guess what was the first commercial on the break? You got it. This happened to me on EACH channel I switched to, sometimes happening TWICE on a station... I have 11 pre-set channels. Not too many at all, BUT I am on the brink of sending complaints to the station managers and the Kia dealer. I turned it off after 30 minutes of this torture!

Radio comes with ads, and I get that -- I am even OK with it. What I am not OK with is that these screaming car commercials are allowed to be aired so much louder then the volume of the rest of the station content.

This one dealer has ensured that
1) I will NEVER EVER buy a car from him
2) I will tell everyone I know not to buy from him, because he is an ASSHOLE
3) I will probably never buy a Kia, though that may have more to do with loving my Suburban with a passion than the Kia brand...
4) I may quit listening to mainstream radio altogether, to protect myself
5) If I do quit radio, I will badmouth every station that subjected me to that fucking commercial, purely because they were stupid enough not to have a modicum of decorum in the ads they air.

Tuesday, January 24, 2012

Broken

Well, I knew they were coming. It was only a matter of time. The bills that represent the cost of a teenager who is careless and couldn't care less are mounting. How to cover it is beyond me. Today the general scope of the numbers hurt me. I am broken in my heart and my wallet. It really fucking sucks.

Why do YOU blog?

Everyone that blogs started for a reason. Whether the bog they write now is the same as the blog they started or that blog evolves/d into something bigger or completely different depends solely on the blogger.

Sometimes you can tell what you will be reading by the title. Mine is relatively easy to figure out. This is my place to vent and let loose etc... and the title reflects that. Sometimes I post things that interested me or things that I think are important, but largely this is the place to bitch. There are other blogs at which you have no idea what you will get any given day and I hadn't ever really given that much thought... until I read Caffeinated OC Mommy's post  Lip Balm On Sandpaper... I Don't Think So! recently.

Caffe makes some valid points and a few I may just have to take to heart myself. SO, if you are floundering with your blog, and this happens  to me on a regular basis, step back and think on the reason you started. Is it still valid? Has it morphed into something bigger and better or has is fallen victim to neglect?

Do things like how many followers you have matter to you? I personally don't care... The stats show my readership, while small, is steady and not necessarily those who "follow" my blog. There are a couple people that cause my stats to be slightly inflated daily, so I ignore their hits when I see them. Of course, since the overlord, I mean Google, is killing Friend Connect for some STUPID reason, follower numbers will probably take a big hit. I still have to find out how we will know when someone chooses to follow us...

Does being famous and having a national blog like Jill over at Scary Mommy appeal  to you? You better buckle down and get to it! Chances are, though that you will not have the results that Jill had... Me? I have no designs on that sort of thing.

Anyway, it's all just food for thought. I am most definitely NOT any kind of blog expert and since my personal blog space has been compromised, I don't give this blog the attention it deserves anymore. Caffe definitely got me thinking...

Wednesday, January 18, 2012


over at
posted a really important post on Monday.
Rather than explain it all to you, I will just recommend that you go on over and read it.
Having daughters myself, I can relate to her concerns in a big way!

Thursday, January 12, 2012

Rules of the PHONE and TEXTiquette

AHHH the phone. Today there are so many phones and so many RUDE phone users to go with the many ways in which a phone can be used. My cell is a dumb phone with Verizon and I LIKE it that way. I have cordless house phones with a real answering machine NOT the obnoxious voice mail AT&T offers up.

When I receive a call, unless I am really busy or in a place that is not appropriate, I answer my phones. If I don't and someone leaves me a message, I will return the call, unless there is no need for it. If someone texts me, I read it and respond in kind, unless it is not necessary. Even if it isn't necessary, I tend to send an acknowledgement so the sender knows I received their message.

When I send a text to someone, unless I have a question, I don't expect a return text, unless they are like me and just let me know they received it. If I ask a question and I receive no reply at all... Not only do I not know the answer to said question, but I also don't know said question was received.

Lately the phone and text issue has been on my mind, largely because I get inundated with repeat texts if I don't reply fast enough for some people's taste, which is too damned bad especially since I refuse to be rude to others in order to reply to someone. I always reply as soon as I can and those who have my number ought to know from experience (or just knowing me at all) that this is the case!

My kids have friends that call the house and if I/we cannot get to the phone in time, they hang up and leave no message. Instead they repeatedly call until the phone is answered or they get bored with not getting an answer. This really PISSES ME OFF! I have even asked them to leave a message instead and they STILL don't do it. What's worse is I have an adult neighbor friend who does this. She at least leaves a message after the 3rd or 4th time calling, but STILL that is obnoxious.

So, it seems to me that in this day of extreme technology, people do not feel the need to be polite, use common sense or discretion when using their phones... especially CELL PHONES! That, my friends, is NOT ACCEPTABLE!

Rules of the phone ~ receiving calls:
1) Answer your calls in public only if you can get somewhere you will not be disturbing others.
2) If you really MUST answer your calls in public, do so in a hushed voice that respects the presence of others and the privacy of your conversation. This gives the caller a clue that you are not readily able to talk and return call can be arranged!
3) DO NOT under ANY non-emergency circumstances use your phone while you are using the bathroom facilities. There is nothing more disgusting than listening to you pee or hearing your poops plopping! EWW! Besides, the acoustics are always horrid and you sound bad, cannot hear well and tend to yell which just shares ALL your business way too much.
4) WASH YOUR FRICKIN' HANDS, PHONE OR NO PHONE! If you don't, you contribute to the spread of germs and that is gross on the highest of levels! You wouldn't want it to happen to you!

Rules of the phone ~ making calls:
1) If the person you call is whispering, take the damned hint and arrange to reconnect later.
2) If the person you call is OBVIOUSLY in the bathroom, make it known you have no desire to talk while they are in there and ask them to call you back at a more convenient time. It is easy to say something like: "It sounds like you are busy" or "I must have caught you at a bad time." "Give me a call back in a few minutes.", without being rude or embarrassing either party
3) If no one answers your call, leave a brief and concise message. If there is no answer, there is usually a reason. Calling repeatedly and annoying the other party will not put you in a good light and earns you no favors. If the matter is urgent, say so in the message! If you haven't received a reply in a few minutes, try again. Then the other person will recognize that it is important and may be able to extract themselves from whatever they are doing in order to get to you. Repeat calling is just plain annoying and totally unacceptible!

Rules of the phone ~ sending TEXTiquette:
1) If you send a text and an immediate or fast response is required, say so!
2) If no response is required, you might say that.
3) If you ask a question, give the person you are contacting a few minutes. They may need to look up something to answer you, pull over if they are driving or any number of other things.
4) Please be brief and concise and try NOT to use text speak. The only exception is if you have no qwerty keyboard, then I can excuse it -- because I know that is a pain in the ass!

Rules of the phone ~ receiving TEXTiquette:
1) When you receive a text, respond if a response is required, even if you only to say you will get back to them later.
2) If you receive a question in a text, answer the question or say you can't answer just then.
3) If you are absolutely unable to reply for a while, be OK with that. Don't compromise safety or common sense for a text. It really isn't worth it!
4) Don't leave people hanging. It is rude and you don't like it either. Rude is never the answer, even though that is often hard to remember!

Thursday, January 5, 2012

The Give-A-Shit gene

I have the "Give-A-Shit" gene. Most people I know do. In fact I think I might even have the gene that lets me give more than just one shit! Sometimes I think I give too many shits, which can be both easy and hard to do.

My 19 year old daughter was born without a Give-A-Shit gene. There were a few times when I thought she might have the Give-A-Shit gene and it was just buried deep only to realize that I had misread the signs. The signs, once deciphered properly, were actually for the I-Only-Give-A-Shit-As-Long-As-I-Get-My-Way gene.

Trust me when I tell you that there is a HUGE difference between these genes. Mine actually involves caring about how things affect those around me, even those I really don't give 2 shits for in general. Mine actually means putting others needs before my own, going without so others don't have to, being an involved parent (which apparently makes me more tyrant than mother) and generally trying as hard as I know how to make things work. That doesn't mean I will sacrifice my self worth, my sanity or my morals for the sake of others -- not even my kids have the right to those.

Her gene means not caring about how her actions and behavior affect her family or her friends. As a kid, the one long time friend who didn't abandon her when she had cancer was the kid she immediately dumped and mistreated as soon as she was better. That was my first real introduction to my true child. I kind of knew she was that way (and aren't most kids in middle school anyway?), but I didn't want to believe it. It was hard to deny when her BFF was left heartbroken. Up till then I was striving to guide her in the right direction and hoping for the best results with nurture over nature. After that Hubster and I realized her gene pool was slightly more poisoned by the bio-dad than we had previously thought and we would be fighting an uphill battle for a long time to come.

This is not the first time I have blogged about upheaval with the college kid. In case you missed it or want a refresher, you can find it here: Dumb-ass kids... and in the post about the I-Pod that cost me my family here: Family hell . Based on these posts you know that things are not often hunky dory between me and the college kid.

Right now I am going to back up in time to when we moved out here in 2006. Freshman year of high school for her to be exact. We lived in the sticks and there was no way she could get a job out there that wasn't an extreme inconvenience to the entire family. She was new to the school and we were OK if she didn't get a job, because we felt that she needed to get situated. After 7 months we moved to a neighborhood. Not as much in the sticks, but still distanced enough from town that her having a job would again have been more of a problem for us than a help. Instead we told her to get together some flyers and advertise herself as available to babysit and/or mow lawns etc... Stuff she could easily get hired for right here in the neighborhood -- and WALK to if she was hired. To my knowledge, she gave out one flyer and babysat, at most, a half dozen times for the recipient. Every summer she was encouraged to get out there and let people know she was available and every summer, she did nothing (unless daily suntanning against the advice of her oncologist counts as something!). One summer I had all the other kids enrolled in "Y" camp and I made her volunteer with the group my youngest was in. Yes, you read right, I MADE her volunteer! Kind of funny since I always disagreed with the state policy of forced volunteerism to graduate high school back home, eh? My goal was for her to establish a rapport with the people there and then have a line in to get a job there later. The girls leading the group liked her and were willing to give her recommendations for getting hired at the Y. I am sure you can already guess that she really didn't put any effort in to getting a job after camp... So 4 years of HS, and 4 years of not making any money to speak of. 4 years of telling her to get out there and market herself because NO ONE else can do it for you. 4 years of her ignoring and sometimes lying about what she had done to get anything at all going in the neighborhood.

Before the end of senior year, she was told she needed to find a summer job -- she had access to my vehicle -- and that she was expected to try and bank some money to help with college expenses. If she applied for a a job anywhere, I have serious doubts about it. Not one single call was made to our house inquiring about any applications the entire summer. You see why I doubt that she actually applied anywhere?

Off to college she goes with instructions to FIND A JOB, at the very least a campus job for spending money and don't dilly dally doing it. Every time we talked, no job. FINALLY she called and said she had a job tutoring, for which she would be paid by her financial aid qualification from FAFSA. GREAT! Not a ton of money BUT a step in the right direction. She did that, seemed to enjoy it and it was in conjunction with  Big Brothers/Big Sisters or one of those similarly named organizations. I thought this was a good opportunity for her to get a SUMMER JOB with the organization. Funny how she and her "handler" never connected over her breaks so she never got a job with them.

You already know how this summer went, before we sent her off to her sophomore year of college. If you need reminding, you can take care of that here: Money She came home from school for T-Day after that post and was given this ultimatum: (1) Work over Winter break.Start applying now and during the weeks leading up to break so you will have any chance at all of getting a short term job. If you get one and they know you are coming back for summer, they may hire you for both breaks. (2) Work over Summer break. Start applying now and keep applying until you get a job. (Consequences) If you do not work you WILL NOT have junior year at your current school. We will not fund it and you will have to find a way to get a job and go to school full time from home, AND buy a car, because you won't have ours to use daily, AND you will be required to pay your full share of car insurance (already a requirement she has never fulfilled...)

I bet you can already guess this, but I will tell you anyway... She had nothing lined up for Winter break. She did nothing about it up to the day she came home and did nothing about it after she got home. When asked about it she gave no real response until Tuesday after Christmas when we demanded to know exactly what she was doing about it. The excuses began rolling out. Apparently she made up her mind that no one was going to hire her for just Winter break and therefore she hadn't done much if anything at all. Can I just tell you I was PISSED OFF and so was Hubster! If you DON'T even apply you will NEVER get HIRED! She does not understand this concept. We told her if you walk into a business wearing that chip on your shoulder like the one you have right now, they won't hire you and will send you on your way. If you exude bad attitude they will not hire you. If you act as if it is a bother to be there even to apply they will not hire you. Seriously? How can this child, knowing ALL we have told her about the financial NEED for her to contribute in order that our family doesn't suffer needlessly -- just so she gets to go to school, JUSTIFY her BAD ATTITUDE and willfully fuck over her family? Seriously? What has happened to her to make it so that she refuses to do a fucking thing to help herself, much less her family?

I will tell you what's happened to her! NOT A DAMNED THING! This is where nature vs. nurture comes into play. Truly, I can see no other reason! We have given her the info. We have given her the opportunities. We have taught her right vs. wrong, good vs. bad, glass half full vs. glass half empty etc... etc... etc... We have explained responsibility, we have taught about making smart rational choices. We have educated about common sense with friends, driving, FaceBook-ing and whatever else we as parents can think of to make sure she she is armed with the best possible information to make the best possible choices and decisions. Yet through her whole life she rarely if ever opts for what is wiser, smarter, more sensible, rational, positive or best for her. If there are multiple paths to choose and one is easy, one is hard and one damn near guarantees failure, she will choose to set herself up to fail damned near every time and take the hard the rest.

How is this nature vs. nurture you ask? WELL, her bio-dad was always the same way. I knew it when we dated, it was part of what killed our relationship and I started very early on trying to ensure that she did not become like him. I have either failed or Mother Nature is a cruel bitch.

Tuesday after Christmas she FINALLY left the house, presumably to go apply for jobs. Wednesday she wanted to hang with friends. When I asked why she couldn't go in search of a job first and then go hang with friends. She just got that glazed over ~ youhavegottobekiddingme, thereisnowayIamspendingmyentireWinterbreaklookingforafuckingjob ~ look on her face. She performed the insolent eye roll to the sky, affected the body language of someone who has been insulted beyond all reason and told me she applied for jobs yesterday. To which I said you are expected to keep applying until you find one, period. I don't give a crap if you hang out with friends when you cannot even fulfill the most basic of responsibilities.

The whole picture lit my fuse in a way I haven't been lit in years. I had given her the stern lecture Tuesday just to get her to go at all, but Wednesday I told her I wasn't going to bother since she wasn't listening to me now and turned my head away. A short while later I went downstairs to see what my other kids were up to and she was banging around in her room. When I went in there she immediately went on guard and my lit fuse hit dynamite. I gave her the biggest ass chewing she has had in her life and I did it long and loud. I shoved a mirror in front of her face, told her to look at herself see the "I don't care attitude" that I and everyone else see and that she better wipe that attitude off her face. I put the mirror down and pointed to her heart and told her she needed  to reach down inside and find it and while she was at it she needed to find her give a shit. She flicked my hand away and it just set me off. The mirror next to me when I turned just rubbed me wrong and I pitched it across the room. It shattered into a gajillion bits all over the other side of the room. (In my defense, what little defense there is for pitching a mirror, I thought it had a plastic -- kid safe -- mirror in it. I really did not know it was proper mirrored glass... So now I have heaped yet another 7 years of bad luck on myself -- if one is to believe superstitions anyway...)

Where we stand now is that she likely will not have any job for the Winter break unless a small miracle happens, but she is expected to continue to look on the off chance she gets a little something. She is required to have a job for Summer break that begins within one week from when she gets home. If she does not have a job, she will not be going back to school in the fall. PERIOD! She has been told that we will not bankroll her college education if she cannot be bothered to do the right thing. If she has to take a year off  to get a job and sock away tuition money then that's what she'll have to do. College is a privilege, not a right and if her actions/failure to get a job means not going to college then so be it. We decided after T-day break that we would not be guilt tripped into letting her freeload off us to go to college.

If any visible, tangible efforts had actually ever been made, things might be different, but there is no longer sympathy or help for someone who does nothing at all to help themselves. We told her we had a breaking point and we have reached it. Oh and to top it all off, she partied lots this past semester, if the pix on FB are anything to go by. So, I was not very surprised when she announced her GPA fell and is no longer high enough to get a good student car insurance discount. She was told get it back up high enough for the discount or she  will no longer have insurance... period!