Tuesday, March 29, 2011

Babies Babies Babies!

WOW! Ok, so I had my babies at 17, 21, 27, 30 and 34. I started early and at 40 I am cresting the hill. I can almost see the other side and I LIKE it. I never  thought I would say that, especially given the fact that I was PISSED OFF that Hubster actually followed through with the vasectomy! It was my idea, but really I did not think he had the balls (har har har) to do it! In fact I was so certain he would back out, I sent him on his own to the Dr. Meanwhile, I took our 2 month old (at the time) baby to the shopping mall and got her ears pierced. I stayed out ALL DAY and had a blast. When I got home, he was all iced up and looking pitiful, and I was stunned. Truly, utterly astounded. I think no one was more surprised than I was that I was suddenly ANGRY about this turn of events. Being a MOM and having babies was an integral part of who I was and I was unable to separate the two, for a while. Eventually I came to realize that it was for the best and I forgave Hubster for having bigger balls that I thought he had. As near as I can tell, he forgave me for doubting strength and quality of his balls.

A couple years ago, a girlfriend I have known since JR. High age got pregnant with twins. We were all ecstatic over this news, because she had fought hard to get babies at all. About the same time frame, a friend from my childhood neighborhood FB-mailed me to say she was having a baby. My best friend from High School chatted me on FB to tell me his wife was pregnant with their first baby AND he also said that his brother's wife had just had their first baby. Shortly after that, yet another JR. High girlfriend announced her pregnancy -- again we were all ecstatic as hers was also a hard won baby. Last month said HS bestie's wife had twins -- imagine 3 babies under 2!!!! I would be in the nut house! The sister of a guy I dated in High School announced on FB that her 4th baby is turning 1 today -- and that is actually what set off this post. The list goes on and on. There must be about 5 more peers with new babies that I can think of off the top of my head.

Out of all the old friends who were the closest, I was the second from the youngest. No one else was really having kids when I was. They were all going to college, bar-hopping, dating etc... while I was giving up a baby, then changing diapers, looking for Pre-Schools and eventually getting married.

I was a wild child and I learned not too long ago that some of my friends thought I was "cool" way back when. I was both flattered and disbelieving as I am 100% certain I was anything but cool. I gave up my wild life to become a whole new me. Actually it was the same me with a different status. With that, I found myself somewhat separated from all my old friends. In time some began wandering back for more frequent and meaningful periods of time. I was glad to have them back. Then we moved 800 miles away and they all started having babies. I mean really the floodgates just opened up and whoosh babies babies babies!

I am not jealous of them. Usually. Sometimes I get wistful about a baby, but I am glad to be past the diapers and formula and to finally have some me time. Now I just need to figure out what my me time means to me and how to utilize it.

I am happy for all my friends that they have their babies and are in that wonderful place. I remember it well and it really is a wonderful place to be. I just wish I was able to relate to them. Instead I find I am once again in a completely different place and have completely different things on my mind. Hubster and I are more concerned with his bad knees, paying for all these kids to go to college, where to retire AND what kind of house he will build me when we retire! (No pressure there! LOL!)

I went in search of Blogger groups to see if I could find Mom's in the same boat as I, but instead found more of the same -- Mom's with younger families. I read the blogs and they are interesting for what they are, BUT they are about things I am not in sync with anymore. Car seats, diapers, baby bumps, mini-vans etc...

I am at an impasse and I am searching for the right direction to go. Nothing is really ever easy, so I suppose I should have expected I would not fond the answer to my problems right away... BUT a girl can hope, right?

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