Wednesday, October 20, 2010

thoughts about "facebook friends"

Facebook friends are clearly no longer what they set out to be. What they have become is more based around the FB games than actually making connections with people you knew or share acquaintance with. The requirement of the games that you have so many "friends" makes it another ball-game altogether. I personally think it is a dumb practice even while I am guilty of participating in it, because there are some FB games I happen to enjoy. I have not quite 200 "friends" but the reality is, only about 25% of them are people I have known or met or will ever meet based on other friends and family.

People put a lot of stock in whether or not you unfriend them or not. Some people even would have us believe that they have no idea why someone unfriended them. I was unfriended by someone with whom I have almost 25 years of history and a child we gave up for adoption. The reality is I got pissed off and we sparred, which is typical of our history and he got to the unfriend button moments before I did. That was juvenile and regardless of who was right (me) or wrong (him), I knew EXACTLY why it happened. If you get unfriended by someone that you are personally acquainted with, you know what has been happening in your relationship with that person. That leaves you with a few issues...

1) To say that you don't know why you were unfriended, if indeed you really don't know, is equivalent to saying that the relationship, whatever its nature, was not important enough to you to notice that you have hurt or upset that person. To me, that means you need to be honest, with yourself, enough to admit that maybe you did not give 100% to the relationship AND do not play DUMB about it.

2) To say that you don't know why you were unfriended and then not confront it if it is upsetting or bothering you, whether you know why or not, is again saying that the value is not there for you.

3) If you are unfriended and you take the time to evaluate the relationship the decision is in your hands to choose either making amends because you realize you made a mistake. Otherwise you decide that you were not invested enough to begin with and let it go, which means you don't get to complain about being unfriended, because you have the means to fix it and choose not to.

4) If you are unfriended and you DO NOT choose to evaluate the relationship, that is your prerogative, but again you place no value on it and therefore have forfeited your right to bothered by it. With only one exception: you were ufriended out of spite by someone. That puts things in another realm altogether.

As you all know from prior posts, I unfreinded people, but they were people who had hurt me in a way that made me feel it was time to do so. It is not something I did lightly and certainly could not have been unexpected, if those people took the time to see what and where our relationships truly were. So far, not a one of these people has taken time to make amends. It interests me that they do not take the time to look for and find the things that -- if they really knew me -- would have caused this. Besides, as I also said in prior posts, I did bring things up and they were not given credence, which is insulting in and of itself.

Somehow or other, we will all have to come to the realization that most people do things for a reason. Facebook is not life and the things that we do and say there should not hold the value that they do. Sadly there is no change on the horizon that I can see... Until then, choose your friendships wisely and pay attention to the friendships you value.

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