Saturday, September 18, 2010

Cinderella, minus the fairy tale ending...

I have a hefty birthday coming up next month. Last year, I asked my Dad for a specific present for this birthday. While I wanted to pay my own way for it, I wished him to accompany me on a journey. That request was quickly shot down under the heavy hand of his wife. My request was a biggie, and may have needed time to save for and quite a bit of planning, BUT I really never considered that he would actually say no unequivocally OR that if he did have to say no, it would be for the reason he gave me.

Let me back up here and tell you what I asked for... I asked my father to go with me, just the two of us, to Italy. I asked this for a very personal reason: I wish to do some family history research on the missing links to our ancestor, who came to the US as an orphan at 17 possibly to escape serving in the military. I have used for many years and have had little success with information from Italy. I believe that is likely because my Great-Great-Grandfather was orphaned and then raised by an aunt, until he was of age and came into his inheritance. So, chances are that until an actual birth, or other family record, is located physically, I am not likely to find much more. Once he arrived in NYC, we are pretty well up to speed on his activities, with some missing data having recently been discovered. For whatever reason, I have long been curious about my roots, so this desired pilgrimage is not an unexpected one.

Given my father's interest in family history, which he may have had prior to but I only really became aware of following my grandfather's death in 1996, I was surprised at the swift and sure axing of my request. The reason was not at all what I might have expected. Dad said his wife informed him that if anyone was going to go to Italy with him it would be her and I would not be invited to said trip. Apparently she went once with her Grandmother as a child and dreams of going again. GREAT! So, tell me why we cannot have a trip that makes both people who have very reasonable interest in visiting Italy be accommodated? Why is it that, once again, the step-mother takes away from the step-child without any consideration? And am I supposed to believe that she would not invite one or both of her kids to go??? HAHA! BULLSHIT! She has taken them to all manner of trips that none of us first kids were even invited on!

Who the fuck knows why she does what she does, but you know what... she and her kids have had all the luxuries of life since my father married her, whilst my Mother, brothers and I had clothes from the second hand store or out of season racks at clearance sales -- and very few luxuries we did not have to scrimp and save to buy ourselves. At less than a month from the age of 40, it sticks in my craw that this woman is still so insecure that the children of Dad's first marriage are such a threat. We already know from her that we will get nothing when he dies, she made quite a production of telling us this behind his back, while she and her offspring will get it all. Like I give a shit? I was never that greedy to begin with and I never wanted the "STUFF" anyway! All I ever wanted the father her kids got. You know... the one who wasn't a raging asshole, who did not yell ALL THE TIME or hit or make me stand in a corner for hours on end -- often balancing a book on my head -- and who did not make use of his leather belt strap for purposes other than holding up his trousers.

Let me be clear, Dad and I have come to, if not a complete truce, a relatively good one -- enough to where we can usually manage to feel like somewhat normal (is that possible?) family members when together. Strangely (or is it sadly?), it took me moving 800 miles from home to get that. He comes to visit and we get to spend all this quality time talking and sorting out some of the old shit, and there is no interruption or BS from the step-mother. Yet this NEVER happened when I lived within a 30 minute drive of them. We were not allowed to spend any time with our father WITHOUT her and/or her children present. Coincidence? I think NOT!! And my Dad wonders why we give this vengeful, spiteful, often nasty woman so little time and attention?

So, I guess I will not be getting my one and only real gift request for my 40th and apparently not ever, unless Hubster and I can ever find the means to accomplish such a pilgrimage after putting 4 kids through college. Trust me, I know without a doubt that if my man can make it happen for me he will. He is that kind of guy! This is obviously not the end of my world by any means, but enough of a smack in the face by the step-mother to put a real damper on my mood.

All this grumping about it was brought back to the front of my mind because, while I had decided to pretty much ignore my birthday so as not to be depressed by the loss of my little dream, my Mom has no clue that I can see all the surreptitious messages she has been posting to my Hubster and oldest daughter about how next month is special and asking about any birthday plans there may be. HAHA! My Mom is generally pretty savvy, but on FB, she has a few lessons to learn! LOL! So, NO there are no big plans and I am not looking for anything special... anymore. I am otherwise going to be just fine with a German Chocolate cake... HOMEMADE and NOT BY ME this year. Got that Hubster? Your birthday may be the day before mine, BUT this year I am not going to settle for the other half of the cake I make for your birthday!
Love ya like no other!

OK -- Rant over... I have some heavy reading to get back to, as I am only halfway through The Jesus Dynasty, because I spent way too much time researching a new mattress today...and then I got on the blog to BITCH!


  1. Momma,It's a shame step-mum is still so insecure after all those years. I suspect Dad may have something to do with that. I am in a similar position to your dad, but NEVER allowed anyone to get between me and my 3 children. My children will always be my children,as for my partner?..well, who knows what the future brings! I hope you and hubster can make the trip to Italy :)

  2. I am glad to hear your kids are first! I don't wish to sound selfish or juvenile but honestly, they have been married almost twice as long as my parents were... there is no reason for the attitude and really all I ever wanted was a real Dad. At least I can say my kids have one of those! Hopefully I will make it to Italy while I am still young enough to enjoy it! Thanks Joe!