Wednesday, September 29, 2010

Colbert sparks debate about 'expert' celebrities | St. Louis News, Weather, Sports | KMOV.com | St. Louis Weather, News and More | Entertainment News


OK, so generally I find Stephen Colbert to be a frickin' hoot... BUT I watched his testimony and I was not only unimpressed, BUT I also did not really find it humorous. I realize that even in Congress we need some humor. That they asked?/allowed? him to show up and speak is a testimony to that. So, really what was his purpose? I thought that whatever he was going to say would have had me, not only in stitches as usual, but more curious about the topic he was speaking on.

Now there is a lot of publicity for him and others who were there, BUT really what was the actual effect? Did his appearance truly give us anything beneficial beyond media fodder? I cannot say for sure that I believe it did... I suppose we shall see.


Since this article names a bunch of celebrity people specifically, I will put my opinions about a few of them here:

With respect to the fact that there are celebrities waxing poetic about political stuff... I think that guys like Stephen Colbert (and John Stewart) are definitely humorists first, BUT they are also getting some people interested in what is happening when they might otherwise not be.

Then you have Angelina Jolie who is a media hussy, but pretends not to be. She thrives on the attention she gets and she has gone out of her way plenty to get attention. That does not make her a realistic source for political information and I would be hard pressed to think she was making a statement on any topic for any other reason than the attention she would get, especially if she has a movie coming out. Sadly, people whore after her, though she is hardly a role model or a hero, BUT I cannot really see reasonably smart people making political choices based on her opinions.

Elmo? He is a screeching annoying puppet and thousands of children adore him. But they do not vote yet and their parents should be educating them and teaching them to make choices and helping them grow into the political views they will eventually follow. That is NOT to say that their parents get to TELL THEM what to think/believe/choose. Sesame Street goes far to advocate for better education for our children and as a SHOW itself, the powers that be ought to be lobbying for better educational material and what-not, BUT leave Elmo and friends at home.

Bono? Well, he is first an entertainer and second a media hussy as well. BUT, he also seems to put himself out there and to be proactive in his causes. That said, I heard today that his charitable organization was audited and fell FAAAAAAAR sort of actually getting the money to where he is promising it. That is criminal! They need to OVERHAUL how they do what they do and streamline it so that the MAJORITY of your donations are used to accomplish what is promised. That pissed me off and really made me think again about the motives this guy has. After all as I said already, he is an entertainer and a media hussy. You don't get your band to be in the news ALL the time and sellout masses of concerts at masses of profit to yourself AND donations to your charity without being that way. Therefore your motives become suspect.

I guess that's enough on that topic... The problem with this is that it could go on and on and on... Ya know?

Monday, September 27, 2010

In Review: Stuff and Things: Sammy The Sperm

I love this blog, and this post was a HOOT!! ENJOY!!

In Review: Stuff and Things: Sammy The Sperm

More evidence that this country is going down the crapper!

'Sister Wives' Brings A Real-Life 'Big Love' Family To TLC - ABC News

I will say first that I do not have cable/satellite so I DID NOT watch this show. That said, I read a couple stories about it and can I just ask... WHAT THE FUCK? (That is twice today, in case you are counting...) So, this disgusting man and his morally challenged life is being given, not only attention but, airtime? For what may I ask? I mean these people need COUNSELING and INTERVENTION! These women are NUTS to put up with this crap and worse that they allow it for themselves and then their daughters tells me they cannot be playing with full decks! These people are supposedly Christians? Tell me why on earth this shit is allowed to be called religious? This is nothing less than a penis' excuse to fuck multiple holes at whim, without consequences. It is not much different than my previous post about that ridiculous company that will help you cheat in your marriage!

I SERIOUSLY HOPE that TLC comes back from the dark side. It is programming like this and that utterly ridiculous Jon and Kate plus 8 that has ruined that channel for me. I used to love their programming and now it is beyond comprehension what the powers that be at TLC are thinking. This and all the other shit offered on the rest of the pay tv channels is not worth the money they ask for. That is why we dumped our DirecTV and that is why there is little chance we will ever go back. Mind you, we are far from prissy, you may have noticed that I have a potty mouth. I just think that there is a limit to the stupidity and I reached it!

Things that make you say: WHAT THE FUCK????

Today on Facebook, I saw this ad for a "married" dating service. Can you believe this SHIT? I mean thee is actually a company that will HELP you cheat on your spouse? WHY? This has to be one of the most offensive things I have seen in a while... That is just SICK SICK SICK SICK SICK!!! I am out of words... Pretty much speechless -- if you can believe that!


http://www.marriedsecrets.com/

Cleansing of the Facebook Palette

Did you know that cutting coupons from the Sunday paper could lead to a major Facebook cleansing? WELL, neither did I! Until today, that is.

I sat here cutting coupons and thinking how this effort is largely wasted energy on my part, because now the coupons require the purchase of so many of one thing... Fact is, I don't usually need 2 or 3 of something so saving $0.25 or $0.50 seems lost in the grand scheme, because I should not have to spend 2-3+ times more than I need to get one thing on a coupon... SO, sitting here realizing how much energy I was putting into something that was most likely going to turn out to be a waste of energy led my mind into a wandering meandering exploration of other things that I might be wasting energy on.

WELL, let me tell you... it's like I had an epiphany or something! I realized that I am often hurt and that I allow myself to be hurt by keeping the hope of something better in certain friendships going. However, after being hurt numerous times, one does start  to realize that there is a limit. Recently I had come to realize I was at that limit with a few people. Some of these people are guilty of just the hurt, while others are guilty of not only hurting BUT exploiting or attempting to exploit my willingness to be available and even my loneliness so far from home.

The door has been slammed shut on being available to help certain  people out or awaiting some sort of equality in a supposed friendship, is it any wonder after getting burned for it repeatedly? After coming to that conclusion a week or 2 ago, I realized today that I was still giving these folks my time and energy, because I was still seeing their lives and such play out via Facebook AND paying attention to their details. Often this would lead me to feel something, be it sadness, anger or frustration.

Today that has ended. I have never claimed to be perfect or the most wonderful person in the world and there is no doubt that I have made my share of mistakes and major fuck-ups. BUT I do claim the right to not be hurt anymore, so I UN-friended the people who make me most miserable in their treatment of me. I have yet to do that to a couple relations that deserve it, but their time may be coming soon too...

I feel a little empowered and slightly more in control of things. I hope that this euphoria will last! If it doesn't I will work with it. I also hope that the fall-out, if any, does not damage my Hubster who remains FB friends and friendly with these folks.

So I have no more to say on this except that it was a long time coming and  I feel good!

Thursday, September 23, 2010

10 Ways Republicans Lie by John Sammon Sammonsays

HAH! Love it!!



10 Ways Republicans Lie

by John Sammon
Sammonsays


The GOP, the Grand Ole' Phony, the party of lies and liars, has perfected the twisting of facts to a new high art form. 

Republicans used to be somewhat decent and reasonable people, for example Nelson Rockefeller. That was before the advent of Ronald Ray Gun and the headlong decent into reactionary dogma, zealotry, quasi pseudo-religious-political nuts, Rush, Sarah, Glenn, Ann, Sean and the rest who are currently making the party a fringe lunatic club. 

In any event, to be a Republican, you have to lie, and believe in lies. You have to be the kind of person unwilling to believe the truth, but to believe what you want to believe. Or the kind of person who wouldn't pay their rent who my former landlord used to say, "You can't deal with people like that." 

Here are 10 principle ways Republicans lie. 

1. Republicans don't believe in history. How could they? To them, everything bad about the country happened on the one-year watch of Obama. Nothing bad happened before that, during the eight years of Bush. There was no previous history before Obama. Whatever Bush did wrong, it wasn't wrong, or it didn't happen. The American people, who gave Bush a 19 percent approval rating, knew better. 

2. Republicans use the same crowd mentality the Nazis in Germany did. You repeat a bald-face lie over and over. For example, Obama was born in Palestine. You repeat it again and again in spite of proof to the contrary. Some people will believe it. Republicans believe in throwing figurative spaghetti on the wall. Some of the slime will stick. 

3. Republicans love the fable they are for small government, despite the record-setting debt they piled up when they were in power, from conquering and nation building small impoverished countries at a cost of billions, wasteful over-kill weapons systems, loop-hole advantages for ruthless corporations, and farming American jobs overseas to take advantage of cheap labor. It's pretty simple. If it's a program to help poor Americans (health insurance) it's traitorous socialism. If it's a new bomb to help conquer and subdue and exploit a poor country, it's great. Both cost money. Republicans are big spenders who act like they're not. 

4. Republicans believe God is a Republican. This is fueled by the exclusionism that is a big part of the party subconscious. Just like I want to keep immigrants out except for boot blacks and melon pickers, I know God and you don't. You're going to hell. I'm not. God is my God, not yours. God looks like Charlton Heston. He likes me, not you. 

5. Use of tokens. Republicans are renowned for their long-held belief that women and blacks are inferior, and the use of high-profile tokens to hide it. This resulted in the barely tolerated Uncle Tom Michael Steele, the aborted misfire Bobby Jindal, and the moronic, winking (aren't I clever?) rouge queen Palin. 

6. Republicans are predictable. They constantly harp on how they are against government intrusion, but love wide open, laissez-faire, sky-is-the-limit-live-like-there's-no-tomorrow benefits-trickle-down-to-the-poor free market capitalism. Just as predictably, these markets running wild and unchecked, lying, cheating, stealing from investors and rate payers, eventually destroy the system, making government watchdog regulation necessary. 

7. Republicans preach patriotism like they do religion. They seldom serve in the military. Democrats in Congress have out-served Republicans almost two-to-one. Republicans love war. They just don't want to get their hands dirty fighting it. Most of the time, neither do their children. 

8. Republicans are angrier, more intolerant and prone to acts of disrespect and violence than Democrats, thus the unprecedented, disgraceful "you lie" shout made by Congressman Cretin Joe Wilson during an Obama speech. No Democrat on Capitol Hill ever yelled at Bush in eight years, though Bush did have a shoe thrown at his head by an angry Iraqi. 

9. The Republican Party is rudderless. Proof of this is that no office holder of stature leads. There is no Dwight Eisenhower. Mis-leadership is instead provided by radio pundits and nut-cases more interested in ratings than they are in the truth. 

10. Republicans can't adapt to changing conditions. A party that has traditionally been anti-immigrant, anti-low-income, anti-people-of-color, will find itself marginalized in a country where those categories are increasing. White Americans will make up half the population by mid-century. A majority of the Republican Party in Congress are 60-year-old white men who were brought up as children in a time when blacks were considered nig.'ers and Mexicans spicks. Republicans will cling to the past and shrivel.Originally published on SearchWarp.com for John Sammon Saturday, January 09, 2010
Article Source: 10 Ways Republicans Lie 

Saturday, September 18, 2010

Cinderella, minus the fairy tale ending...

I have a hefty birthday coming up next month. Last year, I asked my Dad for a specific present for this birthday. While I wanted to pay my own way for it, I wished him to accompany me on a journey. That request was quickly shot down under the heavy hand of his wife. My request was a biggie, and may have needed time to save for and quite a bit of planning, BUT I really never considered that he would actually say no unequivocally OR that if he did have to say no, it would be for the reason he gave me.

Let me back up here and tell you what I asked for... I asked my father to go with me, just the two of us, to Italy. I asked this for a very personal reason: I wish to do some family history research on the missing links to our ancestor, who came to the US as an orphan at 17 possibly to escape serving in the military. I have used Ancestry.com for many years and have had little success with information from Italy. I believe that is likely because my Great-Great-Grandfather was orphaned and then raised by an aunt, until he was of age and came into his inheritance. So, chances are that until an actual birth, or other family record, is located physically, I am not likely to find much more. Once he arrived in NYC, we are pretty well up to speed on his activities, with some missing data having recently been discovered. For whatever reason, I have long been curious about my roots, so this desired pilgrimage is not an unexpected one.

Given my father's interest in family history, which he may have had prior to but I only really became aware of following my grandfather's death in 1996, I was surprised at the swift and sure axing of my request. The reason was not at all what I might have expected. Dad said his wife informed him that if anyone was going to go to Italy with him it would be her and I would not be invited to said trip. Apparently she went once with her Grandmother as a child and dreams of going again. GREAT! So, tell me why we cannot have a trip that makes both people who have very reasonable interest in visiting Italy be accommodated? Why is it that, once again, the step-mother takes away from the step-child without any consideration? And am I supposed to believe that she would not invite one or both of her kids to go??? HAHA! BULLSHIT! She has taken them to all manner of trips that none of us first kids were even invited on!

Who the fuck knows why she does what she does, but you know what... she and her kids have had all the luxuries of life since my father married her, whilst my Mother, brothers and I had clothes from the second hand store or out of season racks at clearance sales -- and very few luxuries we did not have to scrimp and save to buy ourselves. At less than a month from the age of 40, it sticks in my craw that this woman is still so insecure that the children of Dad's first marriage are such a threat. We already know from her that we will get nothing when he dies, she made quite a production of telling us this behind his back, while she and her offspring will get it all. Like I give a shit? I was never that greedy to begin with and I never wanted the "STUFF" anyway! All I ever wanted the father her kids got. You know... the one who wasn't a raging asshole, who did not yell ALL THE TIME or hit or make me stand in a corner for hours on end -- often balancing a book on my head -- and who did not make use of his leather belt strap for purposes other than holding up his trousers.

Let me be clear, Dad and I have come to, if not a complete truce, a relatively good one -- enough to where we can usually manage to feel like somewhat normal (is that possible?) family members when together. Strangely (or is it sadly?), it took me moving 800 miles from home to get that. He comes to visit and we get to spend all this quality time talking and sorting out some of the old shit, and there is no interruption or BS from the step-mother. Yet this NEVER happened when I lived within a 30 minute drive of them. We were not allowed to spend any time with our father WITHOUT her and/or her children present. Coincidence? I think NOT!! And my Dad wonders why we give this vengeful, spiteful, often nasty woman so little time and attention?

So, I guess I will not be getting my one and only real gift request for my 40th and apparently not ever, unless Hubster and I can ever find the means to accomplish such a pilgrimage after putting 4 kids through college. Trust me, I know without a doubt that if my man can make it happen for me he will. He is that kind of guy! This is obviously not the end of my world by any means, but enough of a smack in the face by the step-mother to put a real damper on my mood.

All this grumping about it was brought back to the front of my mind because, while I had decided to pretty much ignore my birthday so as not to be depressed by the loss of my little dream, my Mom has no clue that I can see all the surreptitious messages she has been posting to my Hubster and oldest daughter about how next month is special and asking about any birthday plans there may be. HAHA! My Mom is generally pretty savvy, but on FB, she has a few lessons to learn! LOL! So, NO there are no big plans and I am not looking for anything special... anymore. I am otherwise going to be just fine with a German Chocolate cake... HOMEMADE and NOT BY ME this year. Got that Hubster? Your birthday may be the day before mine, BUT this year I am not going to settle for the other half of the cake I make for your birthday!
MWAH!
Matthew-
 
Love ya like no other!

OK -- Rant over... I have some heavy reading to get back to, as I am only halfway through The Jesus Dynasty, because I spent way too much time researching a new mattress today...and then I got on the blog to BITCH!

Friday, September 17, 2010

The Jesus Family Tomb / The Jesus Dynasty

OK, I have begun The Jesus Dynasty: The Hidden History of Jesus, His Royal Family and the birth of Christianity and it is quite an interesting read so far through chapter 7. I am going to have to refer back to my copy of The Jesus Family Tomb. Just from reading the Preface and Introduction sections, I am a bit confuzzled. I feel as though both books lay some sort of claim to connecting the dots with respect to the Talpiot Ossuaries.
1) A British film crew in 1995 via IAA curator Baruk Brendel. The 1995 discovery was followed by the 1996 official IAA report by Dr. Kloner, which apparently resulted in a media holycrapapalooza, in the James Tabor book.
2) Simcha Jacobovici in 2003 by being shown these ossuaries in the IAA storage facility by Dr. Kloner, in his book. I recall no mention of the 1996 hoopla, just that Dr. Kloner submitted his report, in Simcha's book.
Both versions of discovery seem to be accidental by way of their alternate investigations. SO, now I must go re-read to be certain I have read this correctly, BUT if I have -- how will I ever get clarity on who actually connected these dots and when???

I am curious why Dr. Kloner took 16 years to submit a report on the Talpiot Tomb and it's contents. Regardless of the cluster of names, one would think that an official Government agency would require these reports to be made somewhat faster than that. It comes to mind that there may have been a Governmental push for an official report to shut up the media and take the wind from the sails of a possible Jesus Family connection.

In my life I have chosen to ignore most religious books, because as with my Bible reading as a kid in Catholic school and what history I was taught, NOTHING ever made sense. So much was contradictory to the other information we were taught in school with respect to history and proof etc... Worse than that, in Catholic school, if you ASK QUESTIONS that they CANNOT ANSWER you get in TROUBLE and are labeled as a TROUBLEMAKER for not understanding and wanting clarification. I was told in the 7th grade that I had no right to ask questions only to accept that I was being told the truth. What on earth makes people think that a person will blindly accept such a dictate? OH WAIT the Catholic church does it every day... Blind faith... HAH! That right there is what is MOST wrong with the world today.

ANYWAY, we'll see how the reading goes. I am excited that I am reading what seems more like deductive reasoning from available history, than whatever altered versions of truth are available in the Bible. For the record, I read the Bible from bookend to bookend twice when I was 13 and 14. During this time when my parents were early in their hideously long drawn out divorce, I was grasping for some sort of stability and got nothing but questions for my efforts the first time through and even more questions the second time through -- with no answers as usual.

I should have been a history major... Oh well... If I had taken that path I would not have all these wacky, wonderful, pain in the ass, adorable kids.

Wednesday, September 15, 2010

The Jesus Family Tomb -- update

OK, so I have finished this book and I have to say... It is entirely plausible. Moreover, I think the authors, along with all their many colleagues and James Cameron, went to a significant amount of trouble to ensure authenticity of the work they were doing. Given that they documented the entire investigation from A to Z, and there are so many compelling pieces that maybe on their own are insignificant, but together are AMAZING to really consider.

I remember hearing about the Discovery Channel Documentary, The Lost Tomb of Jesus, that went along with this book and never got a chance to see it on the air. I understand from this book that the program only aired once... Because the religious community got their knickers in a twist WITHOUT even SEEING it FIRST! Shocking? NO! Typical? YES! They did the same with The Last Temptation of Christ (which I have seen several times) and Passion of the Christ (which I want to see, but have not gotten around to yet) and who knows how many other books, movies etc... I may have to get the DVD because I would be interested to see the investigation sequences, the artifacts and the places, visually, as the photos in the book are not doing justice to what they speak of.

Authors official web page: Jesus Family Tomb

I know, I know... I was supposed to be reading American Lion: Andrew Jackson in the White House and I WILL, BUT since I am distracted by this whole Jesus' Tomb thing, there is another book I am going to read first The Jesus Dynasty: The Hidden History of Jesus, His Royal Family, and the Birth of Christianity SO... I WILL get to Pres. Jackson... soon!

Tuesday, September 14, 2010

Ines Sainz: My Clothing Style Is No Invitation for Abuse

While I agree in principle that no woman should be sexually harassed, I cannot help but note that the most public of the harassment claims I have noticed are based on men reacting verbally/physically/emotionally/humanly to women who are dressed in less than modest attire. Talk about MIXED signals!


This woman walks into a lions den when these men are at their most hopped up testosterone levels and then, though she claims not to have noticed, gets harassed... Why is there NO dress code for these journalists? Seriously... WHY???? Do you see Diane Sawyer and other journalists of note wearing their slut-wear? NO! You reap what you sow and the facts are human nature is man to notice woman and vice versa! Mexican men are no less hot to trot for a woman dressed like that than any red-blooded American man, nor are they any less inclined to make comments of "appreciation" to women dressed with tata's hangin' hither and yon. Of course she is LOVED in Mexico, she looks like fucking MAN CANDY!

The reality is that women who dress provocatively are likely to be noticed FOR THAT and be treated accordingly by men. Right or wrong, does not matter. If you want men to treat you right, then you need to dress and present yourself in a way that shows you respect yourself.

Ines Sainz: My Clothing Style Is No Invitation for Abuse


Women do not want men in their locker rooms and as yet, I haven't noticed this happening, though I admit I am hardly interested enough in sports tv to go check. I personally do not think that women should be in the men's locker room's after sporting events or any other time. With respect to all reporters, I think there should be interview areas designated specifically for all broadcasters and the players should be able to let themselves relax and be free in private in the locker room.

The Jesus Family Tomb

I am reading this book, The Jesus Family Tomb and it is quite fascinating. While I do not believe in organized religion, and in fact believe it is more of a means of controlling the masses, I have no doubt that most, if not all, of the people in the various books of "Biblical" times existed - in some form or other - way back when. I am NOT saying that I think that Jesus or any other spiritual guide was anything other than human, just that the form these people have been given by the various and sundry interpretations of the old writings are exactly that: INTERPRETATIONS.

Anyway, this book intrigues me for many reasons. One being that, while Jesus and family, as I was taught, were not wealthy at the start of his "story" they certainly must've become somewhat improved in their financial situation simply due to the fact that the followers of such a leader would have been throwing in their little bits to help out whenever possible. That is the nature of "follow the leader" mentality and the idea of tithe to the church or similar religious entity is hardly a new one. A man of little or no means does not manage to travel far and wide to spread  his spiritual message without some assistance along the way. Needless to say, back then, only the wealthy/well-to-do were able to afford the type of cave/ossuary burial that is often found from Biblical times in Israel. A man of Jesus' high stature in the community of his followers, would have been given a proper burial, else he would not have been as "important" a man as history would have us believe. Other teachings give us to believe he was descended from royalty, which if that was  the case, would also explain possible "wealth" for burial. Of course, royalty is not always in power, so maybe they were not wealthy...

I never believed the notion that Jesus was a celibate man who never had a spouse. That would have marked him in a negative way based on the attitudes of the time in which he lived. It is most likely that he would not have grown to the stature he did, if he had not had his own family. To be different spiritually is one thing, but to live an existence far differing from accepted societal standards is less than likely to gather a flock in a positive way. From this book and others on the subject, I can reasonably agree that the most likely person to whom he was married was Mary Magdalene. As someone who was raised Catholic/Christian, I never understood the teaching that Mary Magdalene was essentially a "fallen woman" because otherwise why would she have ever made it to the inner circle to begin with? Jesus was a smart man and he would have known that by allowing a woman of such character in his circle for any extended period of time would have had a negative effect on his goals long term and short term.

As I read this book I am intrigued to know that there is good reason for the doubts I harbored about Jesus' story in my upbringing. The findings in this book just make sense and there is nothing I can see that would make it unreasonable to believe that this tomb is that of Jesus and family. Surely, if anyone reads this post, there might be dissenting opinions. If that is the case, GREAT! I certainly make no claims that I am an expert on religion or Jesus. However, I would ask first that you be sure that you have read more than just the Bible and have spent a little time on history before you blast me. To rely on the Bible alone as a teaching mechanism is to say that the documented history of the world is null, and that is simply not the case.

The fathers of the Christian faiths have a lot to loose if unadulterated truth in history is opened to humanity. In order to get a following you must have a story -- one that you not only can preach, BUT one that you stand behind NO MATTER WHAT. So, to make the fellowship of Christianity or any other religion palatable, is is easy to surmise that the stories we know have been presented in a way that would gather the largest flock. It is no different than politics or any other aspect of life that requires a person or group to convince the people at large that they are the "ones" to hear above all the other noise in the world. EVERYONE has an agenda, Jesus was no exception!

Science has proven many facts that are in conflict with Biblical teachings and yet many people who believe in the Bible teachings cannot see past the possibility that a book, translated countless times by countless people and altered each time in some way to further the agenda of the time, might not be 100% accurate. Think on this, if you will: Joe Schmoe writes a book and it is touted as the truth about whatever topic he has chosen -- say 200 years ago. Jack Schmuck comes along 200 years hence and does research and discovers that not only was Joe Schmoe's book inaccurate, he can show proof. Most people would look at the proof and say WOW, isn't that something. Consider that 200 years ago, the knowledge and capabilities of  Joe Schmoe's time may have backed his claims or there just may have been nothing available to dispute his claims at the time. So, his publication is widely accepted as accurate. 200 years later Jack Schmuck has read this book and thinks, golly gee, there might be a mistake or two here. So he uses what is now available to him and the current world to test the accuracy of the claims in the Joe Schmoe book. Had Jack Schmuck tried to refute the claims say 100 years following the Joe Schmoe book, he may not have had the means to disprove those claims and therefore it would have stayed in place as the accurate book it had been known as, and any claims Jack Schmuck may have made about the inaccuracies would have been scoffed at because he had NO PROOF.

So, if much of what people believe is based on what we know at the time we live in, and we grow with and learn from it, then why is it that the Bible and religion in general are apparently not allowed to grow and expand with the times as well??? That is a shame and truly contemptible!

Monday, September 13, 2010

overanalysis

There is a fine line that exists between being a family member and family member by marriage who is also a therapist. That line should NEVER be crossed. I have kids, they have issues, I sometimes talk to my family and friends about the situations. Most days the issues we face are not all that worrisome, some days they are enough to send me through the roof.

Facebook is no help! I have a kid who uses it and as she is now old enough to say what she wants, I cannot regulate her anymore. Using FB as a Bitchin' Spot is OK, if you are sure that what you are saying will be taken in stride by those you are "friends" with. Sometimes however, a single post here and a single post there over time can add up to misunderstanding by a person who isn't as connected to your daily life as your friends.

Generally my kids are good kids. Sometimes I want to hide behind an anonymous mask and pretend I don't know them! What parent doesn't feel this way on occasion? If you don't you seriously need to bottle, package, write a cookbook or sell some sort of friggin instruction manual to the rest of us mortals, because you are obviously a god! Good or bad, I know the general clockworks of my kids and I know when the things they say are SERIOUS or just a means of looking for love, attention (be it positive or negative), a pick-me-up etc... So, when I am concerned I try to talk to them, seek advice to help them, give advice to help them or just find an ear to bitch about them in order that we can all work through whatever it is. Maybe not the perfect system, but we get through the days.

Enter the relative, by marriage, who is not necessarily known for being well-loved by some in the clan. Said relative is a person who has made many of us feel unwelcome, unloved, unnecessary, and unappreciated many times and many ways over the years. They are not winning any favors for themselves this way. I generally find the best way to deal with this person is to ignore them unless absolutely necessary. Don't get me wrong, I do not go to any lengths to be hurtful or disrespectful to them, it is more a self-protection mechanism. Because I have developed this self-protection mechanism, I am often told by the spouse of said relative that this person has felt slighted or got their feelings hurt in some way or is feeling left out. To which I say genuinely, I am sorry no harm intended. HOWEVER, I do not feel it necessary to molly-coddle the person who has caused me enough anxiety to last a lifetime. For the most part, I no longer fall prey to the guilt-trip my Catholic when it suits them to be family is so adept at issuing.

So, back to FB! My kid writes this and that. We talk, IM, text whatever. She did something stupid, I talked to some family about it because I was upset about it. She writes more this and that on FB and sometimes uses quotes to say stuff... The relative, who is FB friends with my kid (NOT with me), who is far removed from our lives both emotionally and physically and has said they will NEVER come to visit us as long as we live in the Mid-West, decides to put all the various comments, statements, musings, the report of stupidity (heard about via the spouse NOT me), and more comments together and uses their powers as a therapist to deduce that my kid is in dire straits and opts to send her an unsolicited e-mail. While is was not an unkind e-mail, it had the exact opposite effect that therapist relative was looking for. After all, as my kid said to me, WTF? Where does this person get this stuff from and why does this person think it is appropriate to say stuff when they are not here and have NO CLUE what is really happening. Did this person think to contact me and ask what was going on? NO! Did this person consider that maybe it would not be appreciated when they wrote this message? NO!

I am of the opinion that therapist relative attaches more importance to their self than do the rest of us. I am also of the opinion that you do not just stick your nose into the middle of something and not check into it FIRST! Furthermore, I am of the opinion that you do not interfere and then insist your spouse call me to find out what is going on AFTER you have already sent your interfering message. So, when therapist's spouse called me, I was unaware that the e-mail had been sent, until I decided to read my e-mail while I was being lectured about what therapist had determined by reading FB status'. Then I suddenly got a better understanding, because -- lo and behold -- my daughter had forwarded me the message and asked me why therapist relative felt compelled to send it in the first place...

When kids say stuff on the FB, they are usually looking for some kind of back-up from their friends. Often they want them to give them a pat on the back and say I love you no matter what. Usually I am told not to read too much into the statements made, because they often reflect a mood that came and went as fast as the last breeze. Therapist has a college-age daughter as well. TOTALLY different personality and completely different home-life/background than my kid. Even so, one would think that therapist relative and spouse would recognize the difference between the kid who did something stupid, got in trouble with mommy and daddy, and is looking to be given a boost by pals, vs a kid who is ready to do something stupid or has lost their self-esteem. OH WAIT, you need to be actively in their life to be able to see, know and understand these things!

Needless to say, I had to spend about an hour on the phone pulling the therapist relative's spouse down off their high horse and explaining that my kid was not headed for a disaster, though sometimes she acts like a complete ding-dong -- and uhm who doesn't? I also had to explain that therapist relative's would most likely not  receive a reply to their message, because 1) my kid had no idea what to say to it and 2) it was not something she really could respond to and be nice -- based on her feelings from receiving it.

So, once again the spouse was reminded that therapist relative needs to analyze the patients that they are paid to analyze and NOT to analyze family members, especially when you are too far removed to truly know what you are dealing with. Wait, back up... Did I say once again? I think I did... Hmmmm, why is that, you ask? Well, because this has happened several times over the years and frankly I am sick of it. If you want to be a family member with standing, you really need to be more like a family member and less like someone who dictates how the rest of us are supposed to conform.

I LOVE therapist relative's spouse. That is a hard won feeling over many years, because that relative and I have had a rocky time of it for many years -- beginning long before therapist relative was in our lives. I respect the fact that they are married, have to live with each other and that there is a certain dynamic to every marriage that no one else can truly understand. I also understand that if you say and do hurtful things behind your spouse's back to their blood relatives, no matter how long ago, they are not likely to be forgotten, and less likely to be forgiven.

After all this -- I had to have a chat with my daughter about the reality that the things you say on FB are too easily misconstrued. It may seem like no big deal to say this one day and that the next, BUT apparently it is. It is wise to be careful, and even more important, thoughtful about the things we say publicly. Even after this, I suspect it will still be years before the concept that what you say on the Internet can and quite likely will come back to you later. Be mindful of how you say what you say to protect both yourself and others. Don't worry though... I will still bitch right here when the need arises.

Gotta LOVE family... RIGHT???

Friday, September 10, 2010

Dumb-Ass Kids...

Yeah you read it right, but the best part is I am not kid bashing anyone else's kids, though there are a few I would REALLY like to gripe about... You see I am about to BITCH about my very own sweet, wonderful, adorable, sassy off-spring!

Just what does it take to get a child to actually believe that:
1) your parents are always on your side.
2) you do HAVE to listen to your parents and if you ever bothered to do so, you may find they are not as FUCKING STUPID as you would like the world to believe.
3) the people you are SUPPOSED to turn to when you have unresolved issues, feelings, problems and/or emergencies are you PARENTS!!!
4) your parents deserve, and quite frankly have earned, the right to be treated with decency and respect -- WHICH MEANS: they DO NOT hear important stuff on FUCKING FACEBOOK or DAYS later than they should have been told something SERIOUS!
5) no matter how smart or stupid you act, how big or small you screw up or how much you do right in the world, you will always be our BABY and we will ALWAYS LOVE YOU!
So... JUST DEAL WITH IT DAMMIT! After all, someday, we will be dead and that is not the time for you to realize that "OH, SHIT... I need those people now!"

The thing is, right about now, if my parents had anything to say on this topic they would both give some crappy ass line about me and just desserts. Screw that SHIT! YES, I was a royal FUCK-UP as a kid, but after a while the novelty/cuteness/amusement of the parental HAHA runs out. I mean really can we move on to some USEFUL stuff, instead of beating the dead horse??? Once my Mother-in-Law told me I had no right to BITCH about my kids and the struggle I was going through, because she had 6 kids and I have no clue what it is to earn the right to BITCH! Can you believe the nerve? I mean she raised kids when they could actually go PLAY and you could be reasonably sure that if they did something stupid, you would hear in about 15 seconds by phone and any number of tattle tales! In our world of kid raising, things have changed DRAMATICALLY just since my oldest was born. I mean the Internet has gone waaaaaaay beyond anything that was available to us back then. The whole big bad world is in your face EVERY MINUTE OF EVERY DAY 24/7! There is no escape unless you think the Amish will adopt you and even then you will be miserable, because then you will really have no life! (NO, I am not Amish bashing! They are just such a very simplistic and secluded group of people that I just do not believe someone in our world would last long in  their's. 30-40 years ago I would have thought that, yes, you certainly could immerse yourself in that culture and survive it, because what the world was to us every day, even every minute, back then was extremely different...)

You cannot know what it is to be a parent until you become one. I have brothers who used to think otherwise, maybe they still think that, but now one is a parent, so I would bet he has changed his tune. Realistically, until you become 100% responsible for the 100% well-being and daily existence of a child, there is NO FUCKING WAY you will EVER get it. This is human nature/nurture. In parenting a child/children, you will never experience in any other relationship the same emotions -- which can be both love and hate, adoration and disgust, sheer joy and overwhelming rage. We feel many of these things on a different level in our love lives and in our friendships, with our families and our jobs, but with our kids it is extremely different and gripping emotions.

We are trying very hard to teach all our kids to love each other and themselves. Hubster and I are constantly faced with the never ending pile of garbage that spews forth from the kids, and we know it is part of the territory. Still, I know we would be overjoyed for one of these cute little monsters actually gave a crap and listened to -- better yet, heeded -- something we said to them. As parents, we say A LOT,  how can these kids be shown to decipher the most important things with all the noise in their lives? They can barely hear themselves think minute to minute, so what can you do to get them to hear? All this being true, my kids were not "getting" it even before the "din" they live in now.

9/11 Father Lee Ielpi: 'I Don't Understand All of This Hate'

Take a lesson from someone who lived it!

9/11 Father Lee Ielpi: 'I Don't Understand All of This Hate'

Wednesday, September 8, 2010

My kid just wants to play...

OK, assuming anyone actually reads this damned blog, I may piss off someone here and that really is fine, because after all I am now pissed about the constant rejection paid to my 5 year old.

All she wants is to play with her friends. They are almost always outside playing with other neighbors, but when she asks she is shot down nearly every time. So, she comes back home forlorn and just sits and pouts. As an added bonus, with windows open or if she goes outside, she gets to listen to her friends playing with other kids and is really HURT by it every time.

How do you explain to a 5 year old that it is not her fault that this is happening to her. Supposedly there is no intent to hurt her, but if that is the case.... WHY????? Why is it OK for them to play with the other kids and not her? What is so special about the other kids? Especially since, as I understand it, they are a little too rowdy for their own good and cause LOTS of trouble!

I get the occasional call saying how they feel so badly and are so sorry they say no so often, and I am starting to feel as thought the calls are made only to make themselves feel better, but the kicker is... there is never any actual change in the circumstances. During one of these calls, I even said she was getting used to it -- "it" being getting shot down all the time. How sad is that??? So, now I am going to have to tell my daughter that she cannot go ask anymore, because I do not want to have to pick  up the pieces of her broken heart every day.

I have been trying to be nice about this, because I like the Mom. That said, I really should not be surprised, because as many times as she has made commitments to me to do stuff together, she nearly always comes up with a friend in need who apparently takes priority over any commitment she has made to me. For me, this is most difficult, because I know so few people here. I would look forward to the plans we made so when they go poof I am left with nothing. So, getting rejected repeatedly is to say nothing more than I don't count.

It is apparent that I am the problem here, as is my 5 year old. So, I will no longer be subjecting these fine people, who obviously don't really want us around, to myself or my daughter... Somehow it seems less painful for all involved, don't ya think?

School Fundraisers: Just Say No to the Sales Push

I TOTALLY AGREE!!!!!!!!!!!! JUST SAY NOOOOOOOOOOOO!!!


School Fundraisers: Just Say No to the Sales Push

Thursday, September 2, 2010

pity party right here right now on my blog

Well, I am still blogging. I really did not think I would have much to say... which is funny because I pretty much always have a lot to say! LOL! I invited my friends to participate in this experiment with me because I needed their emotional support and the balance that comes from having friends behind you the way only friends can be. Unfortunately, they do not appear to be here, nor do they appear to have even been here at all. A precious few of them have mentioned reading a couple times, so I cannot say it is a unilateral ignore, BUT there are significantly more who are not visiting than those who have/are.

Self doubt is not pretty and I do not wear it well. At the moment I am wearing it and it really is too tight and pinches in quite a few places. So, I have determined that with or without these folks that I asked for much needed help, I will continue along with this experiment -- pretty much alone, for all intents and purposes -- and see how I do. Maybe I will surprise myself, BUT honestly the funk has grown with this realization, and that is the exact OPPOSITE of what I was striving for here!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

I will just blurt out right now that it is really fucking lonely both here and in the daily grind. It seems like I have been disillusioned about where I really stand with people. I am the not so very proud recipient of a serious wake-up call here.

For all the friends I have via the Face-Book world, and most I have known for many years, the vast majority that converse with me are people I hardly know or have "met" through mutual acquaintances.

Of course, if I had any damned clue why I am now a fucking pariah I could make an attempt to fix it. However, apparently where I am concerned, the extreme opposite of the old adage "Absence makes the heart grow fonder" applies, and I am not even aware of what wrongs I have committed -- if any. More likely "Out of sight; Out of mind" is more accurate.

I guess the hardest part is that I am the type who will go to the ends of the earth for those I love and care for. Though I have not been called upon to do so for anyone for a while, I have serious doubts about being asked in the future for my support by my friends. Realistically, no matter how shitty it will make me feel I will still put myself out there -- even if I get stomped into the ground -- again. No I am not a glutton for punishment, at least I don't think so. That said, if you read the post from 2 days ago...  you also know that at least one person in my life has most likely exhausted her free passes. I have never had to get to that point with anyone in my life before, but this is family which makes it even harder.
This would be awesome.. if only it existed!