Monday, March 21, 2016

BULLIES

Bullies. They are a fact of life, no matter how much we all wish it wasn't so. As a parent of 4 kids, whose ages are very spread apart, I have had a long range of years to hone my radar for spotting them. Unfortunately, in my opinion, there seem to be an exponentially greater number of them now than when my older kids were younger. Unless my radar is just that much better.

We teach our children to respect the adults in their world, but even that has become difficult. How do you teach a child to respect parents of their peers, when a fair number of those parents are condoning their children's bullying behavior OR are endorsing it by allowing their children to associate with it? 
 
Even worse? The teachers that downplay it, ignore it or are so conditioned to the behavior that they don't see it, until it is out of control. By this point the damage has been done, making it difficult -- even impossible to teach your children that their teachers can be trusted to do the right thing and protect them. Schools have a zero tolerance policies in place? I say BS. It is so ingrained into our culture, that they ignore much of it, which only serves to perpetuate the problem. Here again, how do you teach your kids to respect the very adults who so obviously have little respect for them?

Instead of the bully being made to understand their behavior is wrong, to apologize or learn how to STOP the behavior, their parents allow it to continue to happen. They are so uninterested in examining the bad behavior of their children, because they might have to examine their parenting or even themselves, that they actually perpetuate the problem by making the victims of their children further victimized by lying and/or spreading stories to other parents that turn the victim -- or even the victims parents -- into the problem. Parents of other children who, either believe it and don't discuss it with the parents of their children's friends or ignore it as not being their problem are just as bad. Hell, they happily allow their children to play with the bully, but eventually the bully will show their true colors and by then they have burned the bridge with the other victims and their families.


My kids are far from perfect and they can be pretty damned mean to each other, but they are called out on it when it happens within earshot of me. Unfortunately, at least one of my kids has built such a barricade around themselves, that it is damned near impenetrable and another is beginning to do the same. The end result of this is that the victim slowly becomes like the tormentor. Cracking that armor and getting them to let others in makes them vulnerable -- especially to bullies. It is a difficult and heartbreaking situation for a parent.

Wednesday, November 20, 2013

Spiderwebs in my blog?

Blogging hasn't been a high priority for me of late. It lost its luster for a time and I just haven't found it again. Sooooo my poor baby sits unattended and lonely. It isn't as if I don't want to or that there aren't things to talk about. I do and there are. I just cannot seem to connect the 2 anymore.

Life has a funny habit of getting in its own way and sometimes when that happens things take on a new hue. I have spent some time recently examining a few things from a new vantage point. Relationships being one of those things. Assigning priority to them in my life and how they have been over the past few years.

There are so many people that I love and care for, yet I am finding I have less and less of those feelings for a number of them and they don't seem to have those feelings for me anymore. I used to think life was just getting in the way. Now, I very much doubt that at all. The old saying "Absence Makes the Heart Grow Fonder" is a quandary to me -- as it has not seemed to apply since we moved to bible belt hell. If it were true, people who used care would remember me at important times throughout the year, instead I remember them and that goes unacknowledged. I can honestly say quite a few of these people haven't managed anything in several years now. If someone matters to you, you make at least the smallest of efforts... regardless of life's obstacles, or maybe I am just an anomaly...

During my retrospection, I decided I have enough on my plate. Wondering why I have become non-existent to people in the age of digital connection is not a priority. However, continuing to keep them in the circle of my life is also no longer a priority. It is a heavy option to choose for someone who loves pretty deeply, but with all the other dramatics in my life and in the lives of my immediate family, these people just cannot hold such a large chunk of my heart anymore.

Am I like those who have forgotten or just let go without any reason? Possibly. Does it make me a bad person? No -- because I can honestly say that at least I tried to keep those important people connected and that is more than they can say.

Maybe in time I will find a way to merge the blog back into my routine. I know I miss it!

Monday, April 15, 2013

~~ April 15th 2013 ~~

 It started out as Monday -- UGH
Tax Day -- a pisser if you owe
Boston Marathon Day -- an American tradition
Patriot's Day -- a long standing holiday in MA

Now it is an day for the history books.
A day of horror and anguish for no reason.

There are no words to truly describe how yet another day like this makes us feel.
I am grateful Hubster's family are all accounted for in New England.

I truly hope they catch the responsible party.

I choose to give most of my thoughts
to the responders today who used their training
for the greater good in a no good scenario
and those who just helped because they could.